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My mom sent me a good video on Bloomberg about hackers and Apple. I like what the guy said, that when Apple stated that their stuff cannot be hacked, they issued a challenge to the hacker community to hack them! I was confused about a lot of other things he was talking about. I wish I knew so much that I could talk like this guy being interviewed.

During my watching of this simple video, which isn't even full screen and it isn't even high definition, the buffering symbol appeared 8 times!!!!!!! My service provider for Internet is Rogers Cable in Toronto. I find that i can only watch videos after they buffer, or at off-peak hours. Their service is horrendously over subscribed I think. They advertise their service on TV as being faster than Bell's, but my mom, who is with Bell, doesn't have these sorts of problems. I should be able to watch a video without it stopping 8 times and it buffering for 10-20 seconds each time. I live in a co-op building so I don't have a huge variety of choices in terms of providers, especially since I don't have access to a credit card. I had a huge health problem that prevented me from working and almost made me homeless about 5 years ago, and since then my credit has been shit. I lost all my possessions. Terrible time. But at least I should be able to watch a few videos for school without having to pause every 2 minutes for it to buffer. I hate Rogers.

I'm reading a book called "Welcome, Silence" by Carol North M.D., she's a doctor. It's subtitle says "My trumph over Schizophrenia". The things this woman thought are fucking nuts. I feel like I'm reading a really good science fiction book, not a book about schizophrenia!!! I laugh a lot while reading it. Her thoughts mimic a lot of what I thought at times. But I've never had any symptoms of this disease, yet I have it's diagnosis. I don't hear voices, I don't have hallucinations, I don't have strange thoughts. I don't even know why that doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I can only assume because I was in a third world country and their medical system is shit, that he needed some excuses to keep me a prisoner for two months. I should report it to some human rights tribunal. But I don't know how, otherwise I would complain. This isn't my strong area, complaining. I never complain. I have never had a need to complain when I was younger. My parents, grandparents, and uncles always took care of everything I needed. It's like they were psychic! Not that they predicted what i needed, it's just that I never had to complain to get anything done. But ever since this diagnosis I've felt miserable, I've felt worthless, I've thought about ending it all. Not because I'm a sucidially depressed person, but because that's how someone with schizophrenia is supposed to be. This woman has gone through such hell, I can't imagine doing all that she has done. At one point she tried to kill herself - something I'd never try, I love life way too much!! She even tried to cut out her feet with glass to find the machines hidden inside her feet. I'd never harm myself like that, ever!!!! The worst self-harm I've ever done is overeating. And that can be attitrubed to my new self-dagnosis of PTSD. I experienced two or three traumatic stressful events, all my symptoms point to PTSD not schizophrenia. The scary thing is the doctor who diagnosed me with schizophrenia didn't even observe me, there were no doctors present in the institution I was in. There wasn't any toilet paper either, but that's another story. Human Rights Abuses, anyone? I hate Serbia…I hate the people who have their grip on Serbia and aren't letting the people there live good lives.

I'm trying to watch another video on Bloomberg but it keeps buffering. It's so annoying and frustrating. There should be a group of people who hate Rogers Cable who could get together and launch a class action lawsuit against the provider, and shut them down with their false advertisements of high speed service. This would give other smaller providers a chance at getting some customers. Rogers has become so large that they control most of what we get from the internet, it isn't right that they get away with it. BUt like my ex-abusive girlfriend, who got away with it, too, they will probably continue to do Bad Things(™)….

I wish that Xjournal could have colours for text!!!! Is it so much to ask that this client supports WYSIWYG interface? I want it to be better than it is. I like using Xjournal. But it lacks the standard features of the LJ client on the web site. So I don't use them. Though I'd love to make colourful posts.

I wish I was a big businessman who got to wear a suit and a tie, had lunch in the office cafeteria that he prepares at home, went for a swim in my condo's pool once a day, had a beautiful and a smarter than me girlfriend who knew how to clean well, and was able to play the piano every day without tears.

I wish people didn't have tattoos or piercings or didn't smoke cigarettes or did drugs. I wish people didn't drink so much alcohol. I wish people didn't indulge so much and instead spent most of their free time studying, there's so much suffering in the world for us to simply be indulging so much that we become obese and prone to diseases such as cancer. We can do better than this!!!

My best friend just got two cats. I'm against pet ownership on moral grounds. I find it to be a form of animal slavery. However, I wish her the best of luck. She's a great person and will take good care of the two cats. It still bothers me a little bit that she has cats, but it's good for someone ilke her. She won't be so lonely, and it might even rub off on me a little bit. I will never have pets, other than fish, maybe. In my penthouse $20 million condo I will have a huge wall filled with fish, next to my swimming pool. I haven't gotten around to planning it yet. I don't know anything about fish, so I would pay someone else to clean the aquarium and my girlfriend could feed the fish. Women are great at taking care of living things, such as plants. Or people who are like plants, such as me. I'm probably not even living a real life, I'm probably just a brain in a jar somewhere hooked up to a computer!! I saw that on X-Files, isn't it a scary idea?

I'm hearing news that Tumblr is preparing to go public with an IPO, but it seems they have a way to go before going public. That would be interesting. I've never been a Tumblr user. Maybe I should find a hobby to use Tumblr for? I don't know. I'm not a very organized person, I've never been very well organized. I have notes on all worst of little papers and booklets filled with stuff and passwords, so it takes me forever to log into sites. Sure I use a different password for every site, but that means I have to write down all these passwords. That's not very secure, is it? I can't possibly memorize 200 passwords, of 8 characters or more, with alphanumeric strings. That's way too much, and then having to change them every 30 days? Who the fuck can do that other than a Terminator? I'm not a Terminator, I'm a feeble little human being, pathetic in comparison, yes, but still human.

This book I'm reading is doing a number on my brain, it's expanding my horizons. I never contemplated that helicopters can be imaginary, like they were for the Carol. She even spent a whole day biking over 100 miles to chase the fake hallucinatory helicopters, imagine that determination!!! I couldn't be bothered to follow through on something like that, I'd just dismiss them as helicopters. BUt she can't dismiss them, they are too intrusive. They bother her and cause interference patterns that she can see visually, rainbow colours flowing in patterns in front of her eyes. That's fucked up man. And somehow she cured herself of all those problems, and managed to finish medical school. I mean talk about God! She's a genius… I wish I was half as smart as this woman. I'd have no problems finding a job.

My real problem is that I'm lazy. I didn't used to be lazy, but now I am. I can't be fucked to do things. I want to be entertained. I want my videos not to fucking buffer. Stupid Rogers (#rogerssux). It's just that I'm already 34 years old, and I haven't worked in 7 years, what am I doing with my life? OMG….

I want more orange juice. I think I'll make this post public, let's see if I get any comments...


Future Master

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