Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Bad Day with some Goodness

I was watching a new show on TV called Cool Pools. In an hour they showed some of the most lavish pools people have built next to their homes, or sometimes in their homes. I just remember the name of one pool, Neptune Pool. Some people had slides built in, others had waterfalls, some had fire pits, others had jacuzzis, cocktail tables in the middle of the pools, some had retractable glass roofs, some were encased in glass doors that would swing open to let the air in. There was even a pool with a built-in underwater aquarium, connected to a media room, so you could see the swimmers and the fish from the inside. Some pools costed a million dollars, others costed ten million dollars. I'm sitting there on my couch, which my mom gave me and paid for, in an apartment half paid for by my mom, thinking…. These people are so smart they can afford a whole house with a swimming pool this lavish, and I can't even afford to pay for my own rent. I am an idiot compared to these people. I am not even a human being, I'm an amoeba. I'm a retard is what I am.

Then I got really bored so I started repeating everything I was hearing on the TV. I don't talk at all during the day, unlike most people, I don't get to exercise my vocal chords. So I figured saying full sentences ought to be good for me. So I practiced using my English skills by repeating everything I was hearing. At first I had trouble repeating at the speed they were talking at. But after half an hour of practice I was able to repeat 90% of what they were saying as they were saying it. I switched it to news at 11 and started repeating the news. That was much more difficult as they talk REALLY fast. It was challenging. I think I should spend an hour a day just repeating what I hear on the TV. It'll keep my brain occupied, it's good vocal exercise, and it's probable good for the brain when it comes to remembering what I watch. Maybe my comprehension is higher when I repeat things out loud? I'll have to test that theory in the next few weeks. I hope I remember to do this tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

I went to the post office and sent Gaelle the postcard. That felt really good. I hope she gets it and it doesn't end up lost like her package did trying to get to me. I had a little chat with the lady that works in the post office part of Shopper's Drug Mart, and she advised me that it's possible the parcel got delivered to the wrong street, since George Street South and George Street both exist and they both have a building #110. Except in the North version there is no unit 311. So if that's the case it'll get returned. I sent Gaelle an email advising her to write "south" instead of just "s" after George Street. Though maybe she wrote south fully? I don't know. It's not her fault though.

I had a bad day today. I got a call from the passport office, they said they wanted me to fax them a document that states where my citizenship card was when I was returning from Serbia to Canada, and why I didn't have it with me when we applied for a temporary visa at the embassy. I had the card in Belgrade, the embassy simply didn't ask for it. Or so my mother claims, since she arranged the whole thing. She used my expired passport to get a release from the country letter thing. This letter they were supposed to take upon entry into Canada, but they never did. So we handed it in at the passport office, they said they'll deliver it to where it needs to go. So I emailed my mom instructions. Then I sent her a text message. Then to make sure she got it I called her on the phone. My mom read my email and was confused about what needed to be done, kept asking me questions, and I kept saying "Just read what I wrote", and then she'd read it and be like "oh I see", it's like she needed to read everything 2-3 times before she understood it. I was very clear in my wording, I think my mom is really old and it's taking her longer than usual to grasp certain things. This realization makes me really sad. If she was much quicker with technology she would shave advanced much further in her career. BUt she's so slow, she seems to fear technology. She asks me the same questions about her Mac as if she doesn't remember asking them only a week ago. Maybe it's simply something she can't grasp? I don't know. I'd like to think that everyone can understand computers, they aren't that complicated. Granted, when I watch my mom use a computer I shutter to think that people actually designed things to work this way, since I see how much she struggles with the basics of moving photos, moving files, or renaming folders. It seems still too complicated when she uses it. I think computers have a long way to go before we can call them "user friendly". My mom has a Mac, which is supposed to be the ultimate in user friendliness. BUt it isn't. It's difficult as fuck. The simple task of downloading 20 photos from a website is really complicated. My mother would click on one photo at a time, then click on download, then get confused where the download window is, since it gets hidden by the browser window every time she clicks back to the website. Then she'd wait for the notification in the top right window to show her the download is completed. Then she'd move to another photo. After about 20 times doing this, since on the site there is no "download all" option, she then got confused where the photos went. They all went into a folder called Downloads. I reminded her of this fact. She then opened up iPhoto and wanted to drag all the photos into it, but couldn't figure out how since iPhoto takes up the whole screen, and she needed part of the screen to show her the desktop. Or rather the Finder window that has the Downloads folder open in it. This was too complicated, so she went into File and then got confused again. I told her to go into File and to read every option carefully, it's there, trust me. She did this, grudgingly, and finally found it "Add to Library" was the fourth or fifth option. She selected that, and then it asked her what folder to use. She navigated to Downloads. BUt this was confusing. Because the Mac has Unix underpinnings, one cannot change the Unix username once it's selected. That computer used to belong to my uncle, so the home directory is called by my uncle's name. SO my mom had to remember this fact, to navigate to my uncle's name, and then to navigate to Downloads. One of the first things she did was change the username to her name, but the UNIX filesystem doesn't allow for the username of a home directory to change, nor for the home directory to be renamed. It's a complicated fucked up 1970's legacy mess that nobody has engineered a solution for yet. Even though it is the 21st century. It's pathetic when you think about it. So finally she naviaged to the Downloads section, and then instead of clicking on Add, she selected the first file, then used the shift key and arrow down to select all the files, and then clicked on Add. It's not obviously clear that clicking on Add without selectiong the files would still add them just the same. There's no visual indicator that this is so. The Mac has a thousand and one little ways to do something and you have to know them, you have had to have experience with them elsewhere. They aren't intuitive, they aren't user friendly. It's pathetic really to think that this is the best humanity can create.

I want more. I want better. This sadness me. No wonder my mom is confused. It IS confusing. IT's like a whole new language, no wonder it's daunting. IT IS DIFFICULT TO DO BASIC THINGS ON COMPUTERS EVEN IN THE YEAR 2012!!!! It took my mom half an hour to download 20 pictures from some websites and import them into iPhoto. Downloading each photo took less than 10 seconds.

This is pathetic people. So much engineering, and it's all a waste. We need a better approach to computers.

But that phone call in the morning, reminded me of the time I spent in Serbia, and I got very depressed. I hate that country. The people there are so god damn backwards. I felt so bad that I transferred $20 from my savings, money I am trying to save for new contacts, and I went to the bank, took $20 and went to a restaurant and bought myself some shwarma. I ate so much that I could barely stand up and walk. I felt a lot better while I was eating. Then I felt sick, and had to lay down. I couldn't function. So for the next three hours I just laid there, doing nothing, I even had to turn off the TV, it was bothering me. All that noise. I laid in silence for a good hour and a half. The food slowly working it's way through my stomach. I drank a Mountain Dew and maybe half a litter of water to help with the digestion. They always give huge portions at this Mediterranean place. I should really learn to eat half and take half for another day. But it's so good I can hardly control myself. When he's pouring the meat I keep thinking "Pour more, MORE, MOREEEEEE!!!!". I have no self-control when it comes to good food. Now I'm down to $130 in my savings, and it was up to $180 only a week ago. My contacts are around $400, so I have way more to save up. I'm so screwed.

There are people who can afford $10 MILLION DOLLARS for a pool resort in their backyards, and I can't even afford a pair of contact lenses.

And you want to tell me God exists and that people who pray are wise? I see no God here. Only me suffering in poverty.


Future Master

Latest Month

September 2018
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow